Posted by Rob Granger

Mike Hoey introduced our speaker today.  Pamela Hillings Tegtmeyer was raised in Arcadia.  She loves the city and enjoyed her excellent education at Arcadia schools having attended Highland Oaks, Foothills and Arcadia High School. For 25 years Pamela has been a leading authority on business and social etiquette. She learned her etiquette skills from her parents while they lived in Washington, D.C. where her father was a U.S. Congressman from Arcadia, having been elected at age 26, the youngest in the history of California at that time, having just graduated from USC law school. She has been featured on national television (the Dr. Phil Show), national radio (Martha Stewart Living, NPR), local news (ABC, NBC and Fox) and in print (the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times and The Wall Street Journal). She is the co-author of Manners-in-a-Minute: Dining with her mother, Phyllis Hillings.  Pamela is realtor with Coldwell Banker San Marino.

When Pamela’s parents first moved to Washington they made a lot of mistakes and she shared a number of amusing anecdotes.  Knowing proper etiquette was an important part of a congressman’s job.  When the rule is “Black Tie after 6:00pm”, showing up in a suit and cocktail dress was not acceptable – who knew?  Overly large floral centerpieces not only get in the way of conversation but also prevent you from being able to see the hostess to figure out which fork you are supposed to be using!  Really, though, manners are about treating each other with respect.  It is more than just which fork to use.  She went on to discuss 3 specific areas of etiquette: introductions, dining and communication.
Introductions.  She asked Mike Ojeda assist her and we learned that Mike (and about everyone else in the room) were incorrectly wearing their name tags on the left.  Andy Bundesmann joined the demo on how to properly shake hands and introduce yourself.  A firm handshake is always important but Pamela also explained what to do in specific situations such as avoiding an unwanted hug or mispronouncing a name.  John Fee and Yvonne Flint were invited to come up to help demonstrate what to do if you can’t remember someone’s name.  When someone gives you a business card, take the time to read it.  It is not only respectful but it will help you remember the person’s name.  Also, at a party, don’t carry around a drink and a plate; hold the drink in your left hand so you can shake hands with your right.  If no one introduces you, simply wait for a break in the conversation and then introduce yourself.
Dining.  It is important to remember the art of conversation: ask a question and pay a complement.   Pamela distributed a handout which included a diagram of proper place settings – both European and American style.  You will encounter situations where the setting is wrong so you just have to do the best you can.  With the silverware, you will move from the outside, in toward the plate.  To sort out which bread plate and water glass belongs to whom, remember “solids on the left and liquids on the right”.  She also discussed the American versus Continental style of using a knife and fork.  Don’t forget that posture at the table is important.  You need to bring the food to your mouth and not bend down to shovel it in off the plate.  Some of our members seemed to be having issues with spaghetti.  George Fasching was concerned about the proper way to slurp spaghetti noodles and Tom Crosby was concerned when he learned that that you are not allowed to cut the spaghetti.  Pamela finished the dining rules with an explanation on how to properly place your napkin when you leave the table.
Communication.  The world of communications is changing but there are still rules.  When emailing, don’t use “reply all”; simply reply to the person who originated the email.  It is also important to respond to correspondence right away.  This gets back to what she emphasized at the beginning of the presentation; etiquette is all about treating others with respect.  And, in that regard, always remember to write Thank You notes.